"Teens Charged in Carjacking of Former DOGE Official Big Balls"

Two teenagers have been charged with unarmed carjacking after reportedly attacking Edward "Big Balls" Coristine, a former Neuralink intern who gained fame as a teenage software engineer in the Trump administration's Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE). The incident has shocked many, as Coristine was known for his work in streamlining government operations and cutting costs. The attack on Coristine occurred when he was leaving a grocery store in his hometown. The two 15-year-olds allegedly approached him and demanded his car keys. When Coristine refused, they physically assaulted him before fleeing the scene. Fortunately, Coristine sustained only minor injuries and did not require hospitalization. Coristine's friends and colleagues have been quick to show support for him, expressing outrage at the senseless attack. Many have described Coristine as a dedicated and hardworking individual who always put the needs of others before his own. They are hopeful that the perpetrators will be brought to justice and held accountable for their actions. Authorities were able to quickly apprehend the two teenagers thanks to surveillance footage from the grocery store. The evidence gathered from the scene, combined with eyewitness accounts, led to their arrest. Both teenagers are now facing charges of unarmed carjacking and assault. The news of the attack on Coristine has sparked discussions about the safety of public figures and the importance of protecting those who work in government. Many have expressed concern that individuals in positions of authority are increasingly becoming targets for violence, highlighting the need for improved security measures and increased awareness of potential threats. Coristine, who has since recovered from the attack, has remained relatively quiet about the incident. He has thanked his supporters for their well-wishes and reassured them that he is doing well. Despite the traumatic experience, Coristine remains committed to his work and continues to advocate for efficiency and transparency in government operations. As the case against the two teenagers unfolds, many are hopeful that justice will be served and that Coristine will be able to move on from this disturbing chapter in his life. The attack on him serves as a reminder of the risks that public figures face, even in seemingly safe environments. It is a wakeup call for everyone to remain vigilant and to work towards creating a safer and more secure society for all.